This year hasn't turned out the way I expected. This is the year that all three girls are in high school, where my husband teaches. Until now, he has stayed after school grading papers or preparing quizzes or doing other chemistry-teacher stuff. My oldest daughter stayed with him, of course, since she isn't old enough to drive and we live a bit far for public transit. So I expected this year would follow the same pattern, which would leave me alone in the evenings until well after dinner, often until bedtime. Instead, perhaps because three girls waiting to go home exerts more pressure than just one, he brings work home to take care of here, and they are all home for dinner every night!
I had planned to spend time in prayer, reading the Liturgy of the Hours, reflecting and writing. I thought I would develop spiritually as an individual, a stand-alone person, able to ponder what God might be asking me to do, to become. I looked forward to watching nature, seeing and loving creation, finding God in all things. I imagined myself, I see now, being a hermit.
But I am not a hermit, I am a mom. And this year turns out to be very much a year with family, all of us together after work or school, Mom making dinner and Dad helping with homework, each girl coming in at different times to talk or tease or cuddle before bed. Reading and writing, and prayers, have to fit themselves in to the odd moments, in the kitchen while stirring something, or in the morning after the rest have left for school and I have a few minutes to myself before leaving to catch the train. I say the rosary as I walk to the station, which is a happy five decades away. My walk crosses a creek and I get my "nature fix" in a short pause on the bridge observing the water level and state of the the vegetation.
I have been drawn out of myself kicking and shouting. I told God I wanted to do what He wants me to do. He obviously wants me to be part of my family. Not an action hero, not a hermit. Thank you God for giving me a task which is so pleasant, please help me see You in this!
